Of Birds, Bees and SOFTBALL:
A Look at the Lake Erie Islands Softball League (July ’24)
By Matt Amsden
I remember looking around the room in junior high health class: were all the other kids as dumbstruck as I was? Or was I the only kid who’d never heard the birds-and-the-bees speech from his parents? And more importantly…adults do WHAT?!?
That’s the way I felt the first time I watched a LEISL softball game in 2018. These kids can hit a softball 350 feet? WHAT?!?
Anyway, I’ve grown up a lot since junior high, but I still marvel at LEISL players’ abilities. Here’s a summary of LEISL play, from late June to late July 2024:
MONDAY, JUNE 24TH
Kelleys Island and Boardwalk, who faced each other in the 2022 league championship series, played the best game of the year so far. If you like sparkling defense and dramatic comebacks, this game was for you.
Kelleys was making its first appearance on Put-in-Bay for the season. As ’22 league champs, Kelleys is always formidable, which made it curious that they didn’t score in the first four innings. Kelleys…NOT scoring?
Credit Boardwalk starter JOHN “MURPH” MURPHY, who pitched his best game of 2024. MURPHY allowed 6 hits over the first four innings, keeping powerful Kelleys off the board.
Meanwhile, Boardwalk was doing its thing on offense. In the first, DEREK DOHANOS singled and BLAKE BOOKER doubled, sending PADDY MURPHY to the plate. One swing later, Boardwalk led, 3-0, on PADDY MURPHY’s fourth homer of the year.
Boardwalk added another run in the second, then detonated for six runs in the third. MIKE MURPHY’s three-run double was the big hit, and when the third inning ended, Boardwalk led, 10-0.
Kelleys was down, but they’re never out. In the fifth, three consecutive singles loaded the bases, and HAYDEN HOFFMAN’s double put Kelleys on the board. TRENT MOJOY followed with a double of his own, then scored on DALTON HAYES’ single. Kelleys cut the deficit in half, making the score 10-5.
Then Kelleys turned in the defensive play of the year. In the bottom of the fifth with one out and Boardwalk runners at first and second, Kelleys’ right-centerfielder OWEN BURNETT caught JACK BOOKER’s line drive, then threw to first base to double-up BILL McGAHEE. Boardwalk’s threat was silenced and the game’s momentum was swinging to Kelleys.
In the sixth for Kelleys, HOFFMAN doubled home DARREN MOJOY and JACK BUDINGER, and scored on TRENT MOJOY’s single. MOJOY scored on HAYES’ triple, and HAYES came home on BURNETT’s single. When HAYES crossed the plate, Kelleys had tied the score at 10-10.
But Boardwalk is the current league champ for a reason. They scored twice in the bottom of the sixth as ASHTON PUPOS and ZACH KOWALSKI came across on consecutive hits. Entering the seventh, Boardwalk led, 12-10.
JOE GUERRO singled and scored for Kelleys as HOFFMAN tried to stretch a single to a double, but was tagged out at second base. Kelleys could score no more, and lost, 12-11. JOHN MURPHY won his fourth game of the season, and Kelleys’ KEITH MORELAND took his first loss of the year.
In the second game, Kelleys ran away from Mojito Bay, 23-4. DALTON HAYES homered and Kelleys batted around three times.
In a game played on Middle Bass Island, Blue Marlin defeated the Dockers, 35-18.
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 26TH – RAIN OUT
SUNDAY, JUNE 30TH
House had a tall order to fill: stop the runaway freight train that was Blue Marlin.
Entering the game undefeated, Blue Marlin had averaged over 28 runs per game in its three June wins. House, having been rained out three times, had played only two games thus far. How would a somewhat rusty House fare against the Blue Marlin bullies?
Answer: Like a playground avenger.
After Blue Marlin went quietly in the first, House set the tone of its game immediately, batting around and racking up 11 runs. DEVON DOHANOS’ three-run homer went off like a Pirate Weekend cannon, launching the House bench into a frenzy. When the first inning ended, House led 11-0.
KYLE KRAMP led off the second with a home run to deep left field to get Blue Marlin on the board, but that was all Blue Marlin could muster.
House bashed its way to four more runs in the second, as KEVIN “BUBBA” BAUMAN homered just over the fence in left-center field. Two batters later, it was ALEC LYDON’s turn: his two-run homer sent House to a 15-1 lead after two.
Blue Marlin had no answer, failing to score in the third. And House pounced.
Starting at the top of House’s batting order, ANDY BURNS began a string of five consecutive hits that plated five runs. In the middle of that burst, RON RIVERA’s double pushed across two, and when the inning was over, House led by the improbable score of 20-1.
Blue Marlin, reeling, hit the smelling salts in the fourth inning and scored five runs. STEVE ALEXANDER’s three-run homer did the most damage, and it kept Blue Marlin afloat, trailing 20-6.
House scored once in the bottom of the fourth, as GRANT MADIGAN tripled and scored on DYLAN DOHANOS’s double, and House led, 21-6.
Blue Marlin needed to score one run in the top of the fifth to avoid a “mercy rule” loss. And they did just that as COLIN ISH’s run kept Blue Marlin’s hopes alive.
But those hopes were soon dashed. In the bottom of the fifth, needing one run to win, House scored on the first pitch, a high-and-inside offering that DEVON DOHANOS blasted deep into the trees in right field for a walk-off homer. House, its bench jumping for walk-off joy, won 22-7.
GRANT MADIGAN pitched his second win of the season for House; STEVE ALEXANDER took the loss for Blue Marlin.
In the first game of the night, Boardwalk defeated Topsy Turvey’s, 22-4, behind two home runs from newcomer AUSTEN PULCHER. And in a game played on Kelleys Island, Kelleys beat Mojito Bay, 27-17.
MONDAY, JULY 1ST
All hail the loudest fans in the league, the Middle Bass Island Cheering Squad! (That’s not their official name, but they’re the most vocal, rhythmic, outlandish fans a ballclub could ask for. My favorite cheer goes like this: “One, Two, Three, Four: We Just Wanna Drink at the General Store!”)
Middle Bass arrived on Put-in-Bay looking for its first win of the year, and they found it in a 13-2 win over Topsy Turvey’s. Of course, the Cheering Squad went wild!
The Dockers, when their game is on, can flat-out hit, and their brute squad was in full force this evening. ANDERSON MARTIN, who’s tall enough to eat apples off my head, hit a two-run homer in Middle Bass’ eight-run fourth inning. The Dockers batted around as KEVIN HART tripled to complement doubles by RHETT BILSKI, JON LINHART and JACKSON SHELLER.
In the second game, House, fresh from its walk-off win against Blue Marlin the previous evening, kept its mojo workin’, and piled up 29 runs in a win against Joe’s Bar.
The usual House suspects were guilty of aggravated bat-work: DEVON DOHANOS hit his fifth home run of the season, a three-run bomb in the seventh, which capped the evening.
It all started when House racked up 12 runs in the first and cruised like a missile thereafter. ALEC LYDON’s inside-the-park home run in the third cleared the bases, and ANDY BURNS followed suit in the fourth, legging out an inside-the-parker of his own.
Joe’s batted around in the fourth to stay in it, tallying six runs, as CONNOR TIMMONS led off with a triple and his teammates followed with five straight hits, culminating in a LUKE LYDON double.
But House had too much, and won it, 29-15. House pitcher GRANT MADIGAN won his third game of the season; BRIAN WOODRUFF took the loss for Joe’s.
WEDNESDAY, JULY 3RD: No game – it’s the Fourth of July break.
SUNDAY, JULY 7TH
(Sidebar: Although I knew nothing about birds or bees at the time, her name was Pamela Melinski and she was in my first-grade class. Her family moved away the following year, but Pamela opened the door to my fascination with redheads. Rose Disch would follow in fourth grade, but none of them could touch the Queen of All Redheads, whom I fell for in eighth grade, my future wife, Jody Helmick.)
Sound the trumpets, amigos. We now return to a re-run of the 2023 league championship series, as Blue Marlin and Boardwalk, two teams that stomped to the finals last year, met each other for the first time in 2024.
Boardwalk, the reigning 2023 champs, entered the game undefeated. Their lineup is fast, sure-handed and strong. Hate them if you like: winning will engender that sort of emotion.
Blue Marlin, a team that skews younger but is equally potent, received a wake-up call its previous game, falling 22-7 to House. Who would win this match-up of league leaders?
JAKE ST. CLAIR opened the scoring for Blue Marlin, as he came home on KYLE KRAMP’s single in the bottom of the first, staking the orange-jersey guys to a 1-0 lead.
But Boardwalk is an engine with a deep red-line: its lineup can score in a blink. And score they did.
ZACH KOWALSKI singled and scored on BLAKE BOOKER’s triple, setting the table politely for PADDY MURPHY’s fifth home run of the season, a no-doubter to left. MURPHY’s blast was followed two pitches later by AUSTEN PULCHER’s third homer of the year, and Boardwalk was rolling at the end of inning #1, leading 6-1.
This is where pitching becomes so important. With two evenly matched teams, the ability to keep an opponent off the board, even for an inning, is key. Boardwalk’s JOHN MURPHY, perhaps the premier pitcher in the league, stumped Blue Marlin in the second, facing only four batters. And Boardwalk capitalized.
In the bottom of the second, Boardwalk ran off seven consecutive hits. Doubles by KOWALSKI and BOOKER combined with five singles to alter the course of the game. When the inning was over, Boardwalk led, 13-1.
To its credit, Blue Marlin didn’t pack it in. JAC ALEXANDER tripled home ST. CLAIR and scored on KRAMP’s double. KRAMP scored on JALEN SANTORO’s double, and Blue Marlin had a little something going, trailing 13-4.
Both teams lay quiet for the succeeding inning, but in the fourth, Boardwalk scored seven, with DEREK DOHANOS taking his turn as the big-hit-guy, scoring PULCHER with a triple. BILL “TEETS” McGAHEE and ASHTON PUPOS singled and scored, and Boardwalk was “throttle on”, leading 20-4.
While Blue Marlin added two runs in the fifth on consecutive doubles by ST. CLAIR and ALEXANDER, it wasn’t enough. Boardwalk won it in five, 21-6.
JOHN MURPHY pitched his sixth win of the year for Boardwalk; STEVE ALEXANDER took the loss for Blue Marlin.
In the second game, House moved into second place in the standings with an 18-9 victory over Crew’s Nest. And in a game played on Kelleys Island, Kelleys beat Topsy Turvey’s, 30-2.
MONDAY, JULY 8TH
House, as many of you know, is a team of employees and amigos from both Round House and Boathouse. They are bartenders and truth-tellers by day, and hitters of prodigious home runs by night.
And yet, who can tell me which House team will arrive on any given day? Will it be the run-scoring machine that beat Blue Marlin, 22-7, on June 30? Or will it be the distracted ballclub that lost to Blue Marlin early in the season, 28-13? And which team would it be on this evening against mighty Kelleys Island?
There’s only one way to find out, and that’s to play the game.
Kelleys, sporting its new white jerseys, arrived on Put-in-Bay having been idle for eight days, when its late-game rally beat Mojito Bay, 27-17.
But week-old results mean nothing, and Kelleys began its game against House by racking three runs in the top of the first as KEITH MORELAND’s double brought home TREVOR BURTCH and OWEN BURNETT. When MORELAND scored on DARREN MOJOY’s double, Kelleys led, 3-0.
House answered with two of its own in the bottom of the first as ANDY BURNS and DYLAN DOHANOS scored on GUNNAR LILLY’s single.
Kelleys went scoreless in the second, then House put its transmission into “DRIVE”, scoring six runs in the bottom of the second to take control. With RON RIVERA and “BUBBA” BAUMAN aboard, ALEC LYDON doubled, followed by a BURNS double and a DYLAN DOHANOS triple. Suddenly, House led, 8-3.
And Kelleys went quiet. After BURTCH scored in the top of the third to make it 8-4, Kelleys suffered a power outage, failing to score again until the seventh.
Meanwhile, House scored three runs in the fourth using the easiest formula known to man: get two guys on base in front of DEVON DOHANOS, and let him do his thing (that is, hit a towering home run into the right-field woods). It was DOHANOS’ sixth homer of the season, and House led, 11-4, after four innings, and won it, 13-7.
MASON HART pitched his first win of the season for House; KEITH MORELAND took the loss for Kelleys.
In the second game, Mojito Bay beat Crew’s Nest, 16-11. And in a game played on Middle Bass Island, Joe’s Bar beat the Dockers, 20-14.
WEDNESDAY, JULY 10TH – RAIN OUT (What’s the deal with rainy Wednesdays? Sheeesh!)
SUNDAY, JULY 14TH
(Thanks to JOHN and PADDY MURPHY for serving as grounds crew on this soggy evening. A 4:45 p.m. thunderstorm dumped rainfall on Mother of Sorrows Field, making its surface unplayable. But 20 minutes of work by the Murphy clan solved the problem, and play ensued.)
Will all the non-believers in House please get lost? I admit that I’ve been skeptical of House’s uneven approach this season, but you can’t argue with success. Well, you can, but you’ll often lose.
House faced off against Mojito Bay, which has its own identity problems. Is Mojito a high-scoring, tight-gloved winner, or a middle-of-the-pack question mark?
House batted first and rattled the scoreboard for three runs. With ANDY BURNS and GUNNAR LILLY aboard in the first, DEVON DOHANOS doubled, bringing his teammates around. When DOHANOS scored on MASON HART’s single, House led, 3-0.
Mojito scored twice in the bottom of the first when BRAYDAN ALLEN tripled and scored on a TYLER WEBB single, and WEBB scored on CAM DOWNARD’s single. It was 3-2 with one in the books.
House racked two more runs in the second as LILLY and DOHANOS both rolled home, but Mojito went quiet. Eerily, stonily quiet. Was it House pitcher GRANT MADIGAN’s talents, or was it just an off night for Mojito?
No one on House bothered to ask. They scored three more in the third and five more in the fourth to take command. When the sixth rolled around, House plated seven runs as eight consecutive batters reached base. House won it, 20-2.
MADIGAN won his fifth pitching performance of the season for House; CARL KRUEGER took the loss for Mojito.
In the second game, Blue Marlin topped Crew’s Nest, 8-2. And a game scheduled for Middle Bass Island between the Dockers and Topsy was rained out.
MONDAY, JULY 15TH
With the playoffs looming in three weeks, how important is first place really? I mean, other than bragging rights, does it matter? And if you want to get all existential about it, why get out of bed in the morning?
OF COURSE it matters! And Boardwalk faced House, the two teams with the best records in the league. Bang-bang, let’s go!
Sometimes it seems that Boardwalk finds one “ringer” per season. That is, Boardwalk finds one new player whose performances can light up the scoreboard. In 2024, that new player is shortstop AUSTEN PULCHER.
AUSTEN, who played baseball at Jarvis Christian University in Texas, is a player who talks softly but carries a big, big stick. And he’s fluid: when both my knees worked, I never moved as fluidly as AUSTEN PULCHER.
On this night, PULCHER went for the hat-trick: he homered in the first, third and fourth innings, driving in seven runs. In the sixth inning, House threw up its hands and walked PULCHER intentionally.
But PULCHER’s performance wasn’t Boardwalk’s only ace in the hole. Veteran pitcher JOHN “MURPH” MURPHY turned in 2024’s best pitching performance. Using a slowed-down delivery, MURPHY kept House batters off-tempo all evening, often working ahead in the count, and recorded one strikeout.
Boardwalk led wire-to-wire and won it, 11-7. MURPHY pitched his seventh win of the season for Boardwalk; MASON HART took the loss for House.
(Sidebar: During the sixth inning of the Boardwalk-House game, a gray pug stormed the field, dragging its lime-green leash behind it. The crowd went wild as the pooch sprinted toward the pitching mound. Boardwalk’s JOHN MURPHY, perhaps an animal lover, gathered up the leash and returned Fido to its owner. The astonished home-plate umpire, who fears all animals, was happy when order was restored.)
In the second game, Crew’s Nest, a team that has knocked on victory’s door all season only to be turned away, finally got its due against Joe’s Bar.
The Crew kept Joe’s off the scoreboard until the fourth inning with some terrific defense. Center fielder SOPHIA PRESSLER ran down BRIAN WOODRUFF’s long fly ball to left-center in the third, and first baseman KAI PUA’AULI dug out a short-hop throw from third baseman MATT FUCHS for a critical out in the fourth. Well done, ladies!
Crew’s Nest won it, 7-4, as CARTER GOOD racked up three hits and scored, and PRESSLER doubled and scored around MICHAEL DENG’s two-hit performance. All in all, a strong evening for the guys and gals in navy blue.
TYLER KING recorded two strikeouts and earned his first pitching victory of the season for Crew’s Nest; WOODRUFF took the loss for Joe’s.
WEDNESDAY, JULY 17TH
As a famous Australian rock band once sang, “It’s a long way to the top if you wanna rock-n-roll.”
If you’re Topsy Turvey’s and you get tossed about by LEISL big boys all season, you’re looking for redemption. And you’ll take it in the form of Mojito Bay.
Topsy and Mojito staged one of the season’s best games this evening. Down 10-0? No problem. Ready to go extra innings? Rock on!
Mojito ran out to a 9-0 in the first inning, batting around as the first eight batters recorded hits. Doubles by NOAH KNEISLEY, CAM DOWNARD, KURT BETHARD and JIMMY OLSEN kept the scoreboard spinning. As the first inning ended, Mojito looked like a lock to win it.
And Topsy slumbered for the first four innings offensively. When Mojito scored on JOHNNY TALAMANTES’ RBI single in the second, the score stood 10-0. It seemed a “mercy” rule would soon be invoked.
Make that “revoked.” Topsy awakened in the fifth. LOGAN KUCZKOWSKI started the hit parade with a single, followed by consecutive hits from JUSTICE ANDRES, MATTY VARBROKER, TOBY CUMMISKEY and VIOLET BRADLEY. Presto change-o, Topsy was back in the game, trailing 10-5.
Mojito stayed quiet in the fifth, and you could hear the momentum swing Topsy’s way as the sixth inning began. JOE KROETZ singled and “BEAZ” FAZAKAS doubled, then both scored as Topsy ran off four consecutive hits. When VARBROKER scampered home with the inning’s sixth run, Topsy led, 11-10.
Mojito tied it, 11-11, in the bottom of the sixth on MATEO MEDRANO’s inside-the-park home run. Then all defensive hell started breaking loose.
Topsy went down 1-2-3 in the top of the seventh, and Mojito had a chance to win it when MATT BUGAJSKI singled with two out in the bottom of the seventh. BUGAJSKI moved to second on JOHNNY TALAMANTES’ single. And when DRAKE LARSON followed with a single, BUGAJSKI attempted to score, but was gunned down at the plate on a relay throw from Topsy third baseman LOGAN KUCZKOWSKI. Topsy’s defense had held, and with the score tied, 11-11, the game moved to extra innings. (SPOILER ALERT: More spectacular defense to come!)
In the eighth, KUCZKOWSKI, fresh from his relay heroics the previous inning, singled for Topsy and moved to second on a sacrifice fly by JOJO CENDOWSKI. With two out, MEG STANARD singled to left, and KUCZKOWSKI attempted to score. But Mojito third baseman KNEISLEY’s relay to the plate beat KUCZKOWSKI’s slide and Mojito catcher DOWNARD made the tag. In a cloud of field dirt, KUCZKOWSKI was out and the score remained tied, 11-11.
Mojito won it, 12-11, in the bottom of the eighth when TYLER WEBB drove home KNEISLEY with a sacrifice fly to right. For Topsy, victory had slipped away, and Mojito felt the relief that only winning can bring.
In the first game, Blue Marlin returned to top form, beating Mojito Bay, 21-6, on a walk-off homer by KYLE KRAMP. And in a game played on Kelleys Island, Kelleys laid the “mercy” rule on Joe’s Bar.
SUNDAY, JULY 21ST
Fifteen is a sensitive age. You want to drive and impress chicks, but the state says you gotta wait a year. And when some old-guy reporter says you’re 12, well, it’s more than a guy can take.
Middle Bass third baseman COLLIN “ONE-FIVE” SCHNEIDER confronted me before the Middle Bass-vs.-Joe’s-Bar game. “Dude, I’m fifteen,” SCHNEIDER said, his ear buds firmly implanted.
SCHNEIDER and his Docker teammates came to the shores of Put-in-Bay to conquer. They arrived an hour early for batting practice, which they put to damn good use against Joe’s.
The Dockers rolled hard out of the gate, compiling seven runs in the first, with SCHNEIDER singling and scoring along with his adult teammates. Middle Bass batted around and the good times were rolling.
Trailing 7-0, Joe’s scored three in the home half of the first. CONNOR TIMMONS and JOEY WHITE had the big hits, and the scoreboard read 7-3 with one in the books.
Middle Bass went back to work in the second, rattling off three more runs. JON EARL’s triple plated two runs, and when ROB LaSOTA singled home EARL, the Dockers led, 10-3.
Joe’s fell silent for the next three innings, and Middle Bass wrapped things up efficiently, winning 11-7. ART WOLF won his second game of the season for Middle Bass; BRIAN WOODRUFF took the loss for Joe’s.
In the second game, Boardwalk beat Mojito Bay, 8-1, behind another strong pitching performance from JOHN MURPHY, who won his eighth game of the season.
(Sidebar: The defensive play of the year must be recognized. In the second inning, Mojito Bay left-fielder MATEO MEDRANO’s on-the-fly throw beat Boardwalk’s DAVE HELPAP to the plate. Mojito catcher KURT BETHARD laid the tag on HELPAP, and Mojito fans went nuts, rightfully so.)
And in a game at Kelleys, Blue Marlin beat Kelleys to move into a second-place tie in the league standings.
AUTHOR BIO: Matt Amsden is home-plate umpire for all LEISL games played on Put-in-Bay. As a 12-year-old Little Leaguer in 1971, he hit a 200-foot home run, pretending he was Boog Powell as he trotted the bases.
STANDINGS (thru completion of play on July 21st)
LEISL is in-action every Sunday, Monday and Wednesday evening, from June through August, at Mother of Sorrows Field, weather permitting.
Team Win-Loss
Boardwalk 9-0
Blue Marlin 6-2
House 6-2
Kelleys Island 5-3
Mojito Bay 5-6
PLAYOFF SCHEDULE
LEISL’s 2024 single-elimination tournament will begin Sunday, August 4 with games at 6 and 7:15 p.m., and continue Monday and Wednesday, August 5 and 7. The best-of-three championship series will begin Sunday, August 11. For a full schedule, go to Lake Erie Islands Softball League’s Facebook page. Or is it Meta? Man, you’re asking the wrong guy…